Wednesday, October 26, 2005

an interesting post

from Rosie

day 3

In my previous post, I mentioned that we were waiting for S's inevitable crash. We still are. I still expect it to come, but am more than thrilled that she has kept it together for this long. Yesterday on the drive home from school, she and I had a great discussion about two different topics - why she isn't attracting potential girlfriends and the Anti-gay marriage ammendment on the 11/8 ballot in Texas.

I was so impressed with the maturity she showed during the conversation. And the fact that she hadn't behaved badly enough to warrant a call from school so far this week.

These moments make me glow with pride.

Monday, October 24, 2005


Today is S's fifteenth birthday. It is hard to believe. She has come so far.

We didn't go overboard on presents this year - one big thing and three littler things, all of which will be useful in Hawaii (somebody suggested it on Holly's blog awhile back). She's been sane about her birthday so far, which is good and a bit surprising. She had such an active weekend, with a band competition, football game and people visiting that we thought she might crash before now. We are going out for dinner tonight, just the family, as low key as possible. Although the 'family' as grown to as many as eleven. Holly will probably keep her out of school tomorrow, and give space for the inevitable crash to manifest itself at home rather than school.

S and M (who we will begin to foster soon) went to the local gay/lesbian/bi youth drop in last night, and M got hit on. I wasn't surprised. She is beautiful and interesting. She also go hit on twice at S's football game, although we didn't tell S. M jokingly told me about a stack of boy's phone numbers that she's gotten and keeps for fun because she views herself as a lesbian. We laughed.

The clincher is that S is jealous. She has seen all of her older sisters get that kind of attention, and never has herself. Holly handled it last night - explaining that firstly, S does not put out an image of someone who is interested in a relationship, with her bad posture, scuffling feet, sketchy hygiene and often unmatched/unkempt clothing. Those kinds of things marginalize her, so even though she has more friends than she ever has, she recognizes that she is not completely accepted. Secondly, Holly explained that kids her age are not the best about accepting people that are different. S may be fun for the other kids to be around, but she doesn't have the maturity level or social skills to truly 'fit in'.

Don't know how she did it, but Holly talked her down last night. We shall see what the future brings.

Thursday, October 20, 2005

rough couple of days

I get to go to a meeting at the high school to discuss K's remaining time. This meeting is called an ARD and it happens every year. This year we don't have much to say since she just has one more semester with three classes left. She's doing okay in school. It's the rest that is giving her trouble. Part of it is normal teenage stuff, except that it is amplified 10 fold by her anxiety.

She is scared of being on her own, of doing grown up things. She knows she can stay with us as long as she needs to, but she needs to be on a path - either working at a paying job, going to school/college, or doing some serious emotional work that is more involved than hanging out on the Harry Potter website. If she isn't doing one or more of the above, she's going to get pressure (not kicked out, haven't even discussed that). Her response to pressure is to become totally defensive. For over a year, she has demanded that she needs space and her own time to get past these mountains/mole hills on her own, and that any pressure from us will result in a downslide. Talk about a self-fulfilling prophecy... Anyway, we have largely acquiessed. She's had space and time and much less structure and accountability than the other girls and it hasn't really worked. Her anxiety is crippling. Her meds have been changed several times until they are keeping her as stable as they can.

Did we do it wrong? We were so hesitant to push earlier because her emotions are so raw. But, now she is nearly 18 and hasn't dealt with enough demons to hold a job, go to college, and seems scared to death of working through her issues. I realize that a lot of kids that age are half crazy with anxiety about being an adult. I was, and it took me 15 years to really work through my issues. Holly could say the same. The difference is that we were functional, for the most part. We worked and/or went to school the whole time and K doesn't really have an answer as to how she is going to make it - just that she will leave when she can.

Tuesday, October 18, 2005


Yesterday the first half (Holly's half) of the twins' adoption was completed. Everyone was really helpful and happy for us. The babies now officially have the names we chose and don't belong to the state in any way shape or form. Our lawyer said that my half will consumate in 4-8 weeks. That will be cool, but this was the biggest step.

As we were waiting for our turn in front of the judge, the babies' CPS caseworker mentioned to me that the twin's mother has turned up and stating she is pregnant again. She asked if we would be interested. That was an interesting and timely question!!! As you see from my previous post, we were just talking about another baby. The caseworker likes us, thank goodness, and is going to figure out who to let know that we are interested if/when this baby is born. Luckily, the state likes to keep sibling groups together, so we would be very high on the list. We aren't getting our hopes up, though. She said she was pregnant after the twins were born and we don't know what happened to that baby, if she was telling the truth.

The teens are surprisingly happy with the thought of another baby, especially when they heard that it might be the twins' sibling. They really love those little ones. The twins have brought so much to our family. In some ways they bring the family together - our troubled teens who are so incredibly self-involved open up and give of themselves to the babies. They are proud of the babies' accomplishments even above their own. We took a risk bringing the twins into the family, but it has more than paid off in one short year!

Thursday, October 13, 2005

purty big stuff

Holly brought up an interesting topic the other day, Do we want another baby? We've discussed it several times since. I would love to adopt another, but are we ready? Do we have the space? Would the teengers come around? Does Holly have time and energy?

We think all of the above are yes. It wouldn't happen until around Christmas or next year. We still have a lot of talking to do. Haven't even brought it up to the kids, yet. Or the grandparents... It would fill our space up, the state allows six and that would be three babies and three teens. No more respite for friends. But babies are so much fun.

Monday, October 10, 2005

Had an interesting weekend. Lots of baby alone time since Holly had to catch up on some paperwork. Great for me and the babies, bummer for me and Holly. Baby girl sang the ABC song with me, well she the first few words, but she was on a roll. She also counted to three with me. I'm pretty sure that she doesn't have a clue what those words mean, but you've got to start somewhere. Holly convinced me that Baby Boy probably knows just as much as Baby Girl, but is too busy sucking his fingers to participate. He watches and laughs.

S had a rough week at school last week, but pulled herself together and had a great weekend. She was a joy to be with, most of the time. Almost all of her problems at school involve one teacher. I've met her face to face and Holly's talked to her on the phone in depth and we can't figure out what S's problem is. The best we can figure out is that S wanted to take Theater Arts and couldn't because of band, so they put her in Art. The teacher's goal is to teach the kids how to draw in a certain way that involves following instructions one step at a time and taking one's time. Guess what S's biggest problems are? So, we thought this class would be great, and the teacher has been very patient with her. S has decided to take offense at every thing this woman says. She's thrown a couple of mini tantrums and gets in trouble in that class almost every day. We are siding with the teacher. S has been told that she is not going to get transferred to another class just because she refuses to get along with her teacher, and she will have a very boring Halloween if she has any more outbursts with this teacher.

Holly will have to update you on Kaia.

E is all set in her apartment with bad girlfriend and her baby. They glowed with pride when we visited them. I hope they keep their s**t together, or at least that E does.

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

root canal

Had a root canal yesterday. It wasn't much fun. It was also very expensive, even with my insurance. Luckily, the doctor was pretty good because it doesn't hurt very much at all today. And my toothache is gone. He has to do something else to it next Friday, then I have to get it crowned.

Have I mentioned lately how brilliant my children are? K and S both made second Honor Roll. E is moving into her own apartment today, which she managed, on her own, to get soley in her name without BG on the lease. So, if they have problems and BG gets too mean or violent, E can call the police and have her removed. She loves BG, so Holly and I have been as tolerent as we can with the relationship, but she realizes how volatile it is and has left a way out. I'm very proud that she has retained the backbone to do it. She may not need it, though. After four months of living here and a few vain attempts at getting a job, BG had an epiphany yesterday that she needs to get her GED!!! We've only mentioned it, nicely and with subtlety, a dozen times. Awfully hard to get a job when you have no education, no job history and no verifiable job skills!!

The twins are figuring things out faster than we can keep up with them. They climb like monkeys. BG's son, who is four months older, can't keep up with their climbing. They've taught him to communicate in their babble language, although they are all learning new words every day. And how to get past our blockade to the TV. And how to bravely stand on top of the back of the couch. Holly's going crazy. Wish her luck!!

Monday, October 03, 2005

Holly lightly chastised me for not blogging in a week. I know. And last week was quite busy. The biggest reason I didn't blog was that my tooth hurts and it is very distracting. My gp gave me vicodin on Monday. Finally got into the dentist on Friday and he said it was my tooth but he doesn't do molar root canals. the endodontist got me in tomorrow at 12:15. Then I have to go back to the dentist to get a cap put on it. I've been sparing with the meds, thank goodness. Just glad I'm not afraid of dentists.

Both our highschoolers have been on the edge of crashing for a week. After six whole weeks of nearly normal 14 yo behavior, S took a dive and became controlling tantrum girl again. We think we know why and are dealing with it as theraputically as we can. We are also praying that she doesn't mess up school so badly that she loses the ground she's worked so hard for. Our other teen is finally making friends, but, from our angle, doesn't seem like she's doing it in a healthy way.

We began using new problem tracking software at my job today. Of course, it doesn't work. None of the new software we've gotten in the past two or three years has been tested properly. They (the magical they) don't seem to think that we need proper training on it either. For some reason, they can't get a fully working model up before rollout, so they test pieces at a time. Our instructions today were to follow our written instructions. Unfortunately, the instructions say to click on buttons that don't exist in the version of the software we have. Now, my group troubleshoots software all the time - we ought to be able to figure it out, but we can't because it doesn't work. We can't get one single issue entered correctly. The other group that uses it has already given up and is just listing everything on paper. I use a spreadsheet, but I guess its the same thing. Wonderful way to start a week.