rough couple of days
I get to go to a meeting at the high school to discuss K's remaining time. This meeting is called an ARD and it happens every year. This year we don't have much to say since she just has one more semester with three classes left. She's doing okay in school. It's the rest that is giving her trouble. Part of it is normal teenage stuff, except that it is amplified 10 fold by her anxiety.She is scared of being on her own, of doing grown up things. She knows she can stay with us as long as she needs to, but she needs to be on a path - either working at a paying job, going to school/college, or doing some serious emotional work that is more involved than hanging out on the Harry Potter website. If she isn't doing one or more of the above, she's going to get pressure (not kicked out, haven't even discussed that). Her response to pressure is to become totally defensive. For over a year, she has demanded that she needs space and her own time to get past these mountains/mole hills on her own, and that any pressure from us will result in a downslide. Talk about a self-fulfilling prophecy... Anyway, we have largely acquiessed. She's had space and time and much less structure and accountability than the other girls and it hasn't really worked. Her anxiety is crippling. Her meds have been changed several times until they are keeping her as stable as they can.
Did we do it wrong? We were so hesitant to push earlier because her emotions are so raw. But, now she is nearly 18 and hasn't dealt with enough demons to hold a job, go to college, and seems scared to death of working through her issues. I realize that a lot of kids that age are half crazy with anxiety about being an adult. I was, and it took me 15 years to really work through my issues. Holly could say the same. The difference is that we were functional, for the most part. We worked and/or went to school the whole time and K doesn't really have an answer as to how she is going to make it - just that she will leave when she can.
posted by cebii @ 10:15 AM
2 Comments:
That is rough and no I don't think you have been doing it wrong.
Hang in there.
I doubt you were doing it wrong. And anyways, down the line, who knows. There are so many things that could have gone another way, so many decisions that could have gone either way.
I don't know what to say, but you must be doing something right... look at how the girls are attached to you. How E is still with you despite everyone saying it was impossible. You have the touch, despite it seeming crazy and hopeless at times. Growing up is very hard.
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