Tuesday, March 28, 2006


S had a great day yesterday and a good morning this morning. That kid is so wonderful when she is on top of things. She knows it. She likes the feeling it brings her and the positive interaction with us, but she doesn't have the control to keep it up all the time. She is better - we used to deal with her angry victim most of the time, now she is fun more often than not.

I cringe as I think of some of the tactics we used to get where we are. She used every interaction to maintain her control, so we had to limit everything. I was brought up in a house full of hugs, and it hurt to push her away and insist that we couldn't hug until I wanted to. How much energy did we all spend as Holly and I sat, trying to maintain our own calm, watching her scream and flail and tantrum, hours at a time, until she would calm herself enough to at least verbally admit to responsibility for something.

Now she rarely tantrums - even the most recent visit with her brother didn't set her off, even though it was upsetting for her.

M needs to go through some of the same stuff. It will look different with her, because, as S was stuck as a six year old, M was thrust into adulthood. She has taken care of herself for most of her life and doesn't see why she should give that up. She does love us, and she plays the game to fit in and stay with us, but I don't know if she has hit the wall yet.

It has to work, though, right? We can't afford the price of failure. Or maybe, we just have to accept the final results for what they are.


At 4:45 PM, Blogger achromic said...

It's her that can not afford it. It will hurt you no doubt.... but she could take her own life one way or another if she can't let you in. She is already immune to physcally hurting herself. It must be so hard to break down those walls that have help them get so far just so you can help them rebuild a diffrent healthier life. But M. she seemed to choose you guys, so I think she must have known deep down that she needed what you had to give even if right now she is rejecting those lessons because they are hard or they hurt.


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