cebii

Rough road

We spent the weekend at my in-laws. They have a beautiful house on a lake with jet ski, ski boat, fishing equipment, etc. They both go out of their way to make our kids' experience grand every time we come.
We took the short term fourteen year old girl, F, with us. We usually don't think twice about it because her parents are very cool with the people we bring, and these kids often have never had these kinds of experiences. Turned out to be a mistake.

My fourteen year old, S., is difficult, but adores her grandparents and being at the lake. F doesn't have these kinds of restraints of affection. She doesn't usually do the actions that get them in trouble, she just goads S into it so she can turn on her and tattle, or find some way to become the victim. We haven't called her on it very often. S should know better and is old enough to have a mind of her own, so we hold her responsible for her actions.

anyhow, the big events this weekend:
1) the girls were snippy and tired and S became furious when I asked her to sit up straight and chew with her mouth shut. She yelled back, F defended her and went on about how we pick on S too much. Finally, they got up and sat at a different table. Everyone finished their dinners and went back inside except Holly's mom, me and the girls. The girls had their heads huddled together snickering. I told them a little rhyme my mother'd taught me when I was little about secrets and lies keeping one from Heaven. F looked up and sternly insisted that I couldn't say she wasn't going to heaven. I laughed - it was a joke, I said. Holly's mom got up and laughed and went inside. F, with S's help, couldn't seem to stop themselves from getting angry and going on and on about who was I to say who was going to heaven when, as F said, I was with a woman and the bible says woman should not be together like male/female. I reiterated my apology about hurting her feelings, or whatever I hurt, but, like an idiot, I mentioned that the bible never once even alludes to women together, only men. By this time they were yelling (which carries over the whole lake - the water effect or something) and they couldn't listen. Holly came out and got control of the situation. The kids went off on their own pretending like they were asleep. I really grieved. I know better than to lose my temper like that. Holly and her mom reminded me that I was tired, too, and everyone loses it. S. Came back later with a sincere apology.
2) Holly's mom took the girls tubing the next day. This is hard work for her to drive the boat because of an illness she has, but she wants the kids to have these wonderful experiences. As they finished and came back to the house, the girls wanted to get in the hot tub. She said no - F had a bleeding scrape on her knee and they don't use chlorine in the tub. Blood in the tub could get the whole thing infected with something. The girls took offense at this, were heard calling Hollys mom the b word and behaving in a really offensive, disrespectful manner. They both denied it, but others had heard.
3) found out today that Holly's dad had seen the girls in the jacuzzi after they'd been told not to get in. He didn't know about the blood. Holly's mom has to drain the thing and clean it out by hand today, which causes her great pain. The girls denied they did it, then insisted they 'slipped in.' Lots of tears and grounding and lack of electronics and bicycles at my house right now. They still won't take responsibility.

I want F gone. S took the actions, but she is so much easier to be with when not with F. I hate feeling like this. We've never requested a kid leave us. F will be going to church camp for the rest of the week. Holly thinks we can struggle through next week so she can have her bday party with us instead of the group home she is going to. I don't want to. I'm not that nice. I don't want to give her a party or anything else.

Please tell me I'll feel better about this soon. I don't want to lose my temper again.

posted by cebii @ 8:40 AM