Friday, May 13, 2005

How to deal with grief...

My kids go through a lot of grief - completely understandable since, for one reason or another, they can't go back to their birth families. Even though our household is more loving, pleasant and nurturing than where they came from, they all have the urge to go back. They miss their birth families even if the only love they received from them was laden with abuse and neglect. So, Holly and I are used to dealing with grief.

My seventeen year old has wallowed into a different kind of grief, though. She has considerable social anxiety disorder and is most comfortable dealing with people through the filter of online chatrooms. But, last year, to our joy, she made a friend. This friend of hers, I'll call her Kim, is just as sarcastic and dark natured as my daughter. They wrote stories together and commiserated about their parents together. They were inseparable at school.

Kim has been very depressed, and for unknown reasons, her parents are convinced that she needs to just 'get over it' and won't get her professional help, even though she has asked for it. They also don't approve of my daughter because Kim's grades have gone down since they've been friends. (I have a feeling that their own precarious living conditions and constant pressure have just as much to do with it as my daughter.) Her mother doesn't like the fact that Holly and I are lesbians. We also have a big house where Kim gets her own bed when she spends the night, which is more than they can give her.

Even though we cautioned her against it several times, our daughter razzes Kim's parents to Kim all the time. We explained that people don't others to slam their home situation, even if it's true. Anyhow, Kim has decided that they need space and different friends. Kim is hanging around with the potheads now. I imagine they are much less judgmental than my daughter.

My kid doesn't know what to do. She is so uncomfortable opening herself up to new people that she won't try. She is grieving with full on tears. Holly and I explained to her that it will take time to work through. It still hurts, though. It hurts her to go through and us to watch.

But, it's all part of parenting, right?

1 Comments:

At 1:46 PM, Blogger Gawdessness said...

This is one of the hard parts. Hurting for them. Feeling powerless. I don't like the hard parts.

 

Post a Comment

<< Home